Star of circus sideshow bills himself as 'The Half Man'

By Ken Hoffman

April 28, 2014 | Updated: April 29, 2014 9:24am

His stage name is Short E. Dangerously.

But, please, just call him Shorty.

His driver's license says he's 3 feet 3 inches, but you know how show-business people are.

Shorty's really only 3 feet 2.

He bills himself as "The Half Man."

That's the top half.

Shorty, 36, was born with a birth defect. His spinal cord didn't develop normally, and doctors amputated both of his legs when he was 2. He "walks" on his hands, with a swinging motion.

He's the star attraction of the Hellzapoppin Circus Sideshow Revue, coming to the Bayou Music Center on May 10. Tickets are $15, available at the usual Ticketmaster locations.

Let's be careful describing Hellzapoppin. How about, it's an old-fashioned circus sideshow or backwoods carnival revue? The kind of show where Robert Ripley might scout talent. The kind of show, in the really old days, you had to pay an extra 25 cents to get into the tent behind the main tent.

Not for the squeamish! Gentlemen, remove your hats so people behind you can see the caged woman turn into an ape "before your very eyes."

Hellzapoppin is hosted by Bryce "The Govna" Graves. Besides introducing the acts, Graves chews light bulbs and washes them down with a tall glass of Windex. He also pounds a spike up his nose and into his brain.

Ed Sullivan never did that.

Also on the bill: Chelsea NoPants, "one of only 15 female sword swallowers in the world," and Mr. Buggles, the "Wonder Dog from Kentucky."

Shorty is the headliner. He doesn't just stand there and pose for photos, like side-show attractions of yesteryear. Lobster Boy and the Living Mermaid got away with murder. If there's anything I can't stand, it's a lazy Two-Headed Man. Both of them.

Shorty does upside-down handstands on 10-pound bowling balls, breathes fire and throws knives. Don't worry, he doesn't ask for audience volunteers.

More than anything else, he doesn't ask for your sympathy.

Here's a YouTube clip of Shorty onstage: http://bit.ly/QUUP3U.

All carny blarney aside, for a Half Man, Shorty is wholly remarkable.

I know you're wondering. His legs were amputated at the hip. Everything else is regular size and proportional. When you see him, he looks like an ordinary guy … who happens to be standing in a hole.

"I grew up in Columbus, Ohio. I used a wheelchair through school. I never went to a special school; I was mainstreamed all the way," Shorty said.

"When I graduated, I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment. I eventually moved to Daytona Beach and became a disc jockey in nightclubs and strip joints. I was very successful at it. But I wanted more. I taught myself acrobatics and fire breathing. That snowballed into me joining the Hellzapoppin show and traveling the world. I've performed in Germany, New Zealand, South America and all over the U.S. It's been the best time of my life."

He has a website, shortedangerously.com, where he sells T-shirts that say:

"If I can get hurt or die doing it … I'm all about it."

Shorty does not use a wheelchair or crutches or any device to assist him "walking." He checks into regular hotel rooms.

He drives a 1985 Camaro with extended pedals. He uses a scooter in supermarkets.

When he has to walk a distance, say, in a mall, he hops on a skateboard. He gets around, all right.

"My life is pretty normal, except I walk with my arms and hands. Nothing is so difficult that I can't figure out how to do it. It may take me a little longer, that's all," he said.

He lives alone in an apartment.

"I'm single now. Up until two months ago, I was living with a woman, but I had to break it off," Shorty said.

"She didn't appreciate me or the things I was doing for her. Maybe the problem was I'm on the road so much, but she knew that going into the relationship. She was ungrateful, and I just got tired of it."

Again, I know you're wondering.

"She was normal … if you want to call a 6-foot female contortionist normal," he laughed.

Today's trivia

At an October 2008 fundraiser in New York, then-candidate Barack Obama joked, "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be …"

Can't be who? Clue: rock star.

Clutch approval

While the Rockets and Trailblazers were warming up for Game 2 in Toyota Center, Portland center Robin Lopez gave Rockets mascot Clutch a healthy shove.

To me, it looked like a "Not tonight, stupid mascot, this is the playoffs" kind of push.

The next day, I asked Clutch, "Was Lopez serious when he shoved you?"

Clutch (Robert Boudwin) said, "I took it as him being playful."

Yeah, and Mike Tyson was being "playful" with Evander Holyfield's ear.

This is Clutch's 20th year as the Rockets' mascot. Which player is Clutch's all-time favorite comedy partner during timeouts and halftime skits?

"Dwight Howard has been the easiest and best to clown around with," Boudwin said.

"He likes to challenge me to half-court shots all the time. He likes being silly and goofing around any time we're at appearances together. He 'gets' entertainment and genuinely likes people and interacting with them. I traveled with him to China a few years ago. He was a rookie, and he is still the same good guy today. Success has not gone to his head."

 

Trivia answer

Back in 2008, candidate Obama joked, "I'm running for president because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." The Boss was in the audience at the event.

Springsteen and the E Street Band are performing May 6 at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Lawn seats are still available.

 

http://www.houstonchronicle.com/life/columnists/hoffman/article/Star-of-circus-sideshow-bills-himself-as-The-5436368.php?t=fcfd1e07ac8729dc5b#/20